Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. When you have been betrayed by someone you love. It feels as though your world has been turned upside down. You may feel like you can’t trust anyone again, as you feel so low and think that life is not worth living. It is a natural response to feel these things after being wounded in this way, but it is important to find a way to move on. Forgiveness is one of the key steps in moving on from a betrayal. In this blog post, we will explore what forgiveness means when you have been hurt by someone you love.
When you are betrayed by someone it is not uncommon for the betrayed to experience a PTSD response. You are immediately faced with a “fight, flight, freeze” result. You did not expect a difficult situation to be right in front of you. Most often people feel as though they were “blindsided” and feel thrown off their axis. When the betrayer is close to you the experience may feel like a deeper wound. Often, people begin to internally question themselves feeling lost in “what did I do to bring this on”, that self-critical dialogue that may begin inside. You are looking for solutions and answers so you doubt what you know and question what you did wrong, taking all of the situations. Or internally questioning the other person about what happened that you now do not measure up in some confusing way. It is not uncommon for people to get stuck in the wound and feel that they have no way out. However, remember that you do. Let’s take a look at what forgiveness is.
What exactly is forgiveness?
When you feel deeply wounded, it can be difficult to forgive someone who has betrayed you. Forgiveness can bring a sense of peace and closure. You are not forgiving someone for their benefit, but rather for your emotional well-being and healing process
Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened or excusing the betrayer. It is also not about “letting them off the hook” for their actions. Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment that you hold towards the person who hurt you, so you can free yourself from the painful emotional burden that you are carrying and move on with your life. It is not condoning their behavior or ignoring injustice. It is all about the process of finding your way to heal and let go of the deep wounding hurt.
The forgiveness process is not an immediate one. It takes time and can come with varying degrees of discomfort and emotional difficulty; especially when we are betrayed by someone close to us. More often, the closer the person is to us, the deeper one feels the wound. You must allow yourself to work through the pain and grief so you can come to an internal place where the betrayed act does not rule and overwhelm you. Often, the betrayal act triggers old wounds inside that can easily stop us in our tracks. (The fight, flight, FREEZE response). The emotional pain feels so great and overwhelming that one minute you feel “ok” and the next minute your emotions are all over the place and you feel out of control inside yourself. The “roller coaster” cascade of emotions keeps you from being able to feel like you have an emotionally safe steady platform and the space to make decisions on how to proceed.
One way to begin the forgiveness process is by understanding why the betrayal happened. This does not excuse the betrayer’s actions, but it can give you insight and help with finding forgiveness within you. It may have been a result of their wounds or distorted thinking. It is crucial to understand that forgiveness does not mean you must continue the relationship with the person who betrayed you; boundaries may need to be set for you to heal and move forward in your life.
It is also important to remember that forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves, not just to the person who hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment towards them only keeps us trapped in pain and bitterness. Forgiveness allows us to let go of those negative emotions creating internal space to find peace within ourselves.
The process of forgiveness is a difficult one and may take some time before you are ready to forgive. That does not mean that your process is wrong if you are feeling it is not immediate as this is a personal process. You are making this a healing commitment for your benefit as you are figuring out and mapping out your journey. Yes, there is very deep soul-searching in this process. And yes, indeed, holding onto anger and resentment will only keep you stuck in the past, but you need to allow time for very deep healing. Forgiving those who have hurt you will allow you to move on with your life and find peace once again. There are no set rules on how to begin this process and how long it should take.
How do you begin the process when you feel so bad?
One way to begin your healing process is through journaling. Write down your thoughts and feelings, or even try writing a letter to the person(s) who betrayed you (even if you do not plan on sending it). This can help release some of the hurt, creating inner space to begin the forgiveness process
Take time throughout your day to have peaceful moments of self-care. This may include meditation, exercise, or finding a new hobby that brings you joy. You are allowing yourself to take “head breaks”
Seek support from trusted friends and family members, or even therapy if needed. It is important to have a strong support system during the forgiveness process. If you feel that you are unable to talk with your friends then seek professional help from the therapist. A therapist can assist you in navigating the painful journey to healing.
If you have been betrayed, know that you are not alone. Others have been through the same thing, and there is help available. Seek a therapist or counselor who can assist you in working through your pain. Today there are community support groups, both online or face to face, with others who have experienced similar situations. Being with others who have been through similar experiences has proved to be very healing as these groups support one another and share ideas leading to knowing that hope and possibility are there again. With time and support, you will be able to forgive those who have hurt you and start living a life free of fear and anger. With support and time, you will be able to forgive those who have hurt you and you can start living a life free of fear, anger, and anxiety.
Remember: forgiveness is for YOU, not for the person who betrayed you. Allow yourself time to heal and work towards forgiveness so that you can find peace within yourself once again. Good luck on your journey toward forgiveness, and remember that healing takes time. You will find self-acceptance and love. You are worth it for new living experiences in the future.
You got this!as
